Raise your hand if you are raising a child during the COVID-19 pandemic…I see you, I feel you, and I definitely have cried with you. As I’m writing this, we are just ending the third wave of the COVID-19 pandemic in B.C.
What a doozy. The coronavirus first appeared in late 2019 and I’m not alone in thinking the pandemic is with us to stay. I read a headline that suggested how instead of seeing an end to the current pandemic, it’s how we will move forward living with an endemic that is the coronavirus. Technically the seasonal flu is an endemic and so we will definitely get to global normalcy again (whatever that might look like). BC has a re-opening strategy that has us living potentially mask-free come September. The states is already there. My child was born in late 2020 and as we get deeper into 2021, it’s an everyday struggle as I realize many friends and family are yet to meet my 6 month old child. We’re still masked up…but there is light at the end of the tunnel, finally.
Pregnancy
I found out I was pregnant in March 2020 right as the pandemic was hitting North America and I did what I thought was right to do – I hid. Can the virus affect a fetus in a pregnant woman? In early 2020, the answer was unclear (Science says it can – read the most recent update here). I was lucky enough to hide away at our cabin in the woods for 6 months. From March-September I worked from “home”, taking calls over WIFI, counselling one too many upset brides through wedding cancellation/postponement shock, and jumping in the lake on my lunch hour. Yes, I could still jump based on my doctors advice at that time. Besides work I had a lot of “me time” too: I planted potatoes, had a few too many HouseParty calls, did virtual yoga, binged my reality TV and Broadchurch, took a thousand and one naps on the couch, went through some serious hip pain, and ate a few too many sweets. Oh, and I also had shingles. I feel really grateful and lucky to be able to have the pregnancy I did. I don’t take it for granted. The other plus to being up at the cabin was that it turned into a 6 month babymoon too. We were in our happy place and I’ve never felt closer to my partner. On the flip side, I had to watch from a distance as the world burned: Forest fires, riots, Black Lives Matter protests and horrific police brutality against human beings, asian hate crimes, homeless populations spiralling, overdoses spiking, covid numbers increasing, death tolls rising, Trump supporters rallying…and the list goes on. 2020 was no doubt one of those years in history we will look back and wonder….or we will literally carve it out of our memory forever.
Due to the pandemic, I had a ton of virtual doctors, neurologists, and prenatal appointments. Since I lived super rural during that time, I drove to the city for my scheduled in-person prenatal appointments – a 6 hour drive one way (my husband would argue 4 hours…if he is driving :P). Due to COVID, there weren’t many bathrooms available for use and so there were a lot of roadside pregnant belly pees done by yours truly (TMI). How glamorous. A lot of pregnant couples were in the same boat too, especially when it came to ultrasounds and even the births – most of us would have to go at this alone and show the first ever moments of seeing our child over FaceTime or iphone photos. Even more so when it came to family – so many of us were unable see family in person, nor have the support needed to help prepare for baby. All of that said, I can only speak for myself when I say although it was tough to be pregnant during the 2020 year, I feel extremely grateful for my journey.
Postpartum
We had 4 days in the hospital: My partner, our newest addition Riley, and I. My birth story is a whole other story, but I did want to share that yesterday I spoke with a friend who also had a C-section. Due to her babe being born in the heat of the covid first wave, her husband wasn’t even allowed in the OR with her, and when she told me the story, you could see/feel her heroism. So many women found themselves in the same position as her in the past couple years, and for that I want to say: Mamas, you are so strong. The world doesn’t even know how powerful you are. Visitors were not allowed during our stay at the hospital and so on our release day, my parents met us in the parking lot for a 5 minute meet and greet. I only had 5 minutes to give before feeling faint and needing to lay horizontal. Not the most ideal way to meet your grandkids!
Once home, I’d say postpartum help was somewhat similar to pre-pandemic times. I had hired a Doula (my Vancouver Doula linked here) and I had nurse check-ins too. Instead of home visits, the nurse was only available over phone or text. If I had worries, I could send image texts – like when Riley developed whiteheads all over her head: “Is this normal?!?!?”. Or the time I got mastitis (which you can read about here). That said, my Doula was a part of our postpartum plan and so she was visiting frequently which was a huge help. Doctor’s visits were all in person at the office due to vaccinations and growth checks, so that felt the same as what my friends with previous postpartum experiences described.
One major advantage that came from giving birth during a pandemic was the stay-at-home-work-from-home orders. Due to COVID, my husband was and still is able to work from home and ultimately be there for me if ever I need. For the first two weeks, his help was essential in the care of our child due to my c-section keeping me almost bed bound that entire time. I didn’t change a diaper for the first 10 days if you can believe it! Ultimately, the bond that was created between the two of them was major during this time, partially due to working from home, but also because I had to lean on him to be the sole caretaker for Riley (and also the caretaker of me!) while I recovered.
The pandemic was both a blessing and a curse when it came to postpartum visits with friends and family. On the one hand, it was amazing to have zero pressure. It was Justin, Riley, and I, and we got to figure life out together without any interference or distractions. On the other hand, we totally missed out on the support and in-person love from everyone. Like you see in the movies you know? No breaks from holding baby, no long showers for either of us (insert: stink), no one to do our laundry or just hang with us on the couch telling us about life other than baby. No hugs. Repeat: No hugs. That said, from far and wide, we received care packages, flowers, and so much food. Our freezer was stocked and it was actually such a humbling and beautiful experience. To really feel loved without being surrounded by a physical being. I will cherish that feeling forever and am so thankful to the circle of people who showered us this way. It meant more to us than words can even describe.
Raising Riley
Most new mom experiences include a ton of “Mom and Me” groups and activities. Not for the pandemic mama! With covid shutting down most indoor places, groups like music class, yoga, fitness, or swimming have been put on hold. Sure you can make a reservation to go swimming with your baby, but the point is to get out and meet other moms and socialize! Not that I’m bored…OK some days I’m BORED. Plus, since Riley was born in November, her first few months of life have been through the winter. No one is doing outdoor yoga classes in February in Squamish (land of the rain). Let’s be real. Thank god I have my best friend down the street. So what did I do? Any clear day, cloudy or sunny, I was out with the stroller pushing Riley around town on her midday nap. It was my sanity and my workout. I ate snacks, I drank coffee, and sometimes I met up with a friend. For the most part, I did it alone, in silence. No phone, no podcasts, no music. Just me and the birds and the ridiculously loud trucks that everyone in Squamish likes to own. I loved it. I still love it! And you know what? The only other people out walking mid-day on a Tuesday are seniors and other new moms. I’ve gone out of my comfort zone and made some new friends on my walks!
Slowly but surely, things are beginning to open up and it’s also summer. Riley is 6 months old now and she’s finally recognizing faces, places, and sounds. She’s finally going to get to socialize with friends and family. It’s surreal and the most beautiful experience I’ve ever felt: To live life from the beginning again, through my child’s eyes. We have plans for playdates at outdoor pools and the beach, music class set up for the fall (I hope), and more outdoor adventures at the cabin. I would say raising Riley as a newborn to 6 months during the pandemic seems to be OK for her development-wise, since she’s only now becoming curious about other babies and people, and has had a lot of solo exploration time on the play mat. Obviously I’m not a doctor, but I feel pretty good about it all! I would rather say that it’s the mamas who are struggling the hardest during this time. I’m sorry to my husband who had to have one too many fights with me over…well nothing. It was a lot more alone time than I was used to. Breastfeeding is quite isolating too. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my situation for anything and I’m definitely not complaining. The reality of the situation is the options are quite limited when you have a 1 hour, 2 hour, 3 hour wake window, a thousand and one naps, bottles, nursing, solids, and diapers. Accomplishing one thing per day is awesome – like going out for a walk with a friend, getting an errand done, adventuring to some nature, or getting a pedicure. I guess what I’m getting at is the last 6 months have been very far from being about me. They have been all about Riley and as I type this, I’m so happy they were. I used to have all the time in the world, and now my time is no longer just mine, I share it. It’s a pretty cool concept. And with that, I’ll end it there.
EXTRA! Some nice ideas for any pregnant or postpartum mama (regardless of a pandemic):
- Send a Doordash or Ubereats meal when they are at home post-birth. Healthy prepared meals are good for both mom and dad (and baby!)
- Invite mom to things. Even if you know she can’t make it or will say no. She’s yearning to be a part of the crew, I can tell you from experience.
- Sometimes a text is better than a call
- Text frequently and shower that mama with love from afar
- Wear a mask – don’t even ask if you should or not. Just do it.
- Don’t ask to hold baby. Mama will pass you baby if she’s comfortable letting it happen. Everyday and every moment is vastly different.
- Rather than ask or offer if you can do something, or wait for the mama to tell you, just do a kind gesture that you think is awesome. Some ideas are dropping food at the door, making her and the family your favorite homemade treat, sending an email gif card, text her a funny meme or podcast link, ship something from an online store, or flowers to brighten the day.
- Send flowers in a vase. Much easier and many companies offer this type of service now.
- Wait for the invite to meet the babe.
